The Fuzzy Journal
by Rabiya Nizam
Life is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes just plain unfair. I used to believe that happiness was something everyone else had figured out except me. That feeling of being left out, of being stuck in a dark, endless tunnel, became my reality for years.
Depression isn’t just sadness. It’s an overwhelming weight that crushes you, making even the simplest tasks feel impossible. It turns your thoughts into a battlefield, where you’re constantly fighting voices that tell you, “You’re not good enough,” “You’ll never be happy,” or even worse, “You don’t deserve to be here.” And for a long time, I believed those voices.
The Breaking Point
It all started with small things—losing interest in my hobbies, isolating myself from friends, struggling to get out of bed. At first, I brushed it off as just being tired or stressed. But soon, it escalated. I became someone I didn’t recognize. My thoughts turned dark, and I found comfort in self-harm because, in a twisted way, it felt like the only thing I could control.
I remember sitting in my room, staring at the walls, feeling completely numb. That was my breaking point. I realized I couldn’t go on like this. Something had to change.
Seeking Help—The Hardest and Best Decision
Asking for help wasn’t easy. I was terrified of being judged, of people thinking I was weak or “too much to handle.” But deep down, I knew I couldn’t fight this battle alone.
I started therapy, though I was skeptical at first. How could talking to a stranger help? But my therapist didn’t judge me. Instead, he helped me understand that my feelings were valid, that depression wasn’t my fault, and that I could heal.
Medication was another hurdle. There’s a lot of stigma around antidepressants, but for me, they were a lifesaver. They didn’t magically make everything better overnight, but they gave me the stability I needed to start making real changes.
The Little Things That Helped
Healing isn’t a straight road. Some days, I felt unstoppable. Other days, I barely made it out of bed. But I started noticing small things that helped me feel better:
Writing – I poured my thoughts into journals, poems, and eventually books. Writing became my therapy, a way to process everything I was feeling.
Friends (the real ones) – Some people disappeared when I needed them the most, but a few stuck around. They reminded me that I wasn’t alone, even on my worst days.
Routine – As simple as it sounds, having a routine helped me feel more in control. Waking up at the same time, making my bed, eating proper meals—these small actions made a big difference.
Self-love (the real kind) – This was the hardest part. Learning to be kind to myself, to forgive myself for my bad days, to remind myself that I was worthy of love and happiness.
The Other Side of Darkness
After a year of therapy and six months of medication, I started feeling… different. I won’t say I was magically “cured” because depression doesn’t work like that. But I felt lighter. The things that used to feel impossible became manageable.
I got a job. I published books. I started sharing my journey, hoping it would help someone else feel less alone. And now, I’m writing this journal, a reminder that no matter how dark things get, there is always hope.
To Anyone Struggling Right Now…
If you’re in that dark place, please know that you’re not alone. Depression lies to you, making you believe things will never get better. But I promise you, they can. They do.
Bottom line
You are stronger than your worst days. You deserve happiness, love, and a life that makes you excited to wake up in the morning. And even if it doesn’t feel that way now, don’t give up. Take it one day at a time, one small step at a time.
Healing isn’t about becoming a brand-new person. It’s about finding your way back to yourself. And trust me, that person is worth fighting for.
By Rabiya Nizam
Note: Images used in this article are Ai generated.
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A very thaught provoking article, Very well written this is something People need in today’s time. Keep up The good work.