The Fuzzy Journal
By Rabiya Nizam
Hey, it’s Rabs here—back again with another deep dive into the messy, frustrating, and sometimes downright hilarious world of human emotions.
Let’s talk about something I’ve struggled with for years: judgment. Why do we let people judge us? More importantly, why do we let their judgment define us? If you’re anything like me—someone who grew up in an environment where validation was as rare as a unicorn sighting—you probably understand how easy it is to fall into the trap of external validation.
But here’s the thing: letting others judge you isn’t just frustrating; it’s damaging to your mental health. It feeds self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and worst of all, it makes you feel like you’re never enough. So, let’s unpack this mess together.
The Origins of Our Need for Validation
I’ve spent years wondering, Why do I care so much about what others think? The answer is rooted deep in childhood experiences.
1. Emotionally Distant Parents
Growing up, my parents weren’t exactly the “let’s sit and talk about your feelings” type. Their emotional distance made me constantly crave approval—because if I wasn’t getting it at home, I had to seek it elsewhere.
2. Discouraging Environment & Toxic Relationships
A school full of judgmental peers? Check. Teachers who were more interested in pointing out my flaws than nurturing my talents? Double check. Add in some toxic friendships and relationships, and boom—you’ve got yourself a person who questions their every move.
3. Unwanted Challenges & Betrayals
Life throws challenges at all of us, but when you’re already struggling with self-esteem, every betrayal feels like a confirmation that you’re not worthy. And that’s a dangerous mindset.
The Problem with Letting Others Judge Us
I used to think that if I just dressed better, spoke differently, or molded myself into whatever version of me people wanted, I’d finally be accepted. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work.
Here’s why:
1. It Fuels Anxiety & Depression
When you constantly worry about what others think, your mental health takes a nosedive. You start overanalyzing every conversation, every outfit, every joke. It’s exhausting.
2. It Makes You Question Your Worth
Ever walked away from a toxic relationship, only to have that person come back to make you feel worse? Yeah, same. They act like they’re doing you a favor by “forgiving” you, but really, they just want to gaslight you into believing you were the problem.
3. It Takes Away Your Authenticity
I have a sarcastic sense of humor. It’s my defense mechanism, and honestly, it’s how I survive. But instead of appreciating it, people judged me for it. They wanted me to be softer, quieter, more agreeable. The more I tried to change myself, the more I lost sight of who I really was.
4. It Traps You in a Cycle of People-Pleasing
Let me tell you something I wish I had learned earlier: No matter how much you change yourself, people will still find a reason to judge you. It’s a never-ending cycle.
How to Break Free from the Fear of Judgment
Now, I won’t lie to you—it took me a long time to get here. But if you’re tired of letting others dictate how you see yourself, here are some things that helped me:
1. Stop Seeking External Validation
Easier said than done, right? But here’s what I realized: Other people’s opinions don’t define my self-worth. Say it with me: I am enough.
2. Recognize Gaslighting & Manipulation
If someone makes you feel guilty for standing up for yourself, they’re the problem, not you. Learn to spot toxic behavior and cut it off before it takes a toll on your mental health.
3. Own Your Unique Personality
When you have a dark sense of humor, own it. And you love wearing mismatched outfits, do it. If you enjoy being unapologetically yourself, don’t let others shame you for it.
4. Surround Yourself with the Right People
You don’t need a hundred fake friends. You need a few genuine ones who support you without judgment. Quality over quantity—always.
5. Therapy Helps (Seriously!)
Talking to a therapist was a game-changer for me. Sometimes, we need an outside perspective to help us unlearn the negative thought patterns we’ve been carrying for years.
The Final Verdict: Live for Yourself
Here’s the truth: People will judge you no matter what. But you have a choice—you can either let their judgment control you, or you can take control of your own narrative.
Life is too short to live for others. “Be yourself“, “Be bold” and “Be unapologetically you”. And the next time someone tries to make you feel small, remember: their opinion is just that—an opinion. It doesn’t define you.
So tell me—what’s one thing you’ve stopped changing for others? Let’s talk in the comments!
Stay strong,
Rabs
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