{"id":3777,"date":"2025-02-28T15:16:33","date_gmt":"2025-02-28T15:16:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ruhemohabbat.com\/?p=3777"},"modified":"2025-02-28T15:16:35","modified_gmt":"2025-02-28T15:16:35","slug":"anger-my-not-so-friendly-coping-mechanism-and-how-it-hurt-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ruhemohabbat.com\/hi\/articles\/anger-my-not-so-friendly-coping-mechanism-and-how-it-hurt-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Anger: My Not-So-Friendly Coping Mechanism and How It Hurt Me"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/span>\"\"
\n

The Fuzzy Journal<\/p>\n\n\n\n

by Rabiya Nizam<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n

I\u2019ve always had a fiery streak\u2014quick to anger, quick to defend, and, unfortunately, quick to push people away. Looking back, I realize that anger was never just an emotion for me. It was my armor, my weapon, my coping mechanism. And for years, I thought it was helping me survive. But in reality, it was eating me alive from the inside out.<\/p>\n

The Early Sparks: Where It All Began<\/h1>\n

Ever since I was young, anger felt like my best friend. Maybe it was because I grew up in an environment where empathy was scarce. Maybe I was just a sensitive kid who didn\u2019t know how to process emotions in a \u201chealthy\u201d way. Whatever the reason, I found myself defaulting to anger at the smallest inconvenience. Someone disagreed with me? I lashed out. Someone ignored me? I felt rejected and reacted aggressively. A minor setback? My brain screamed,<\/p>\n

\n

fight, fight, fight!<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

At first, it didn\u2019t seem like a problem. If anything, I felt powerful. I could shut people down with a single outburst. No one could hurt me if I put up my walls fast enough. But what I didn\u2019t realize was that I was slowly poisoning my relationships, my creativity, and, most of all, myself.<\/p>\n

From Anger to Resentment: The Slow Burn<\/h2>\n

As I got older, my anger didn\u2019t just disappear\u2014it evolved. It turned into something darker, something deeper: resentment. I started holding grudges, even over the smallest things. I felt like the whole world was against me, and I needed to constantly be on guard.
This rebellious streak became my identity. I refused to conform, but not in a cool, indie-movie-protagonist way\u2014more in a self-destructive, burn-every-bridge-before-they-burn-me kind of way. I became an expert at pushing people away. And the worst part? I convinced myself I was better off that way.<\/p>\n

The Fallout: When Anger Starts Hurting You More Than Others<\/h3>\n

There\u2019s a dangerous thing about living with constant anger\u2014it doesn\u2019t stay contained. It doesn\u2019t just lash out at others; it turns inward. At some point, I stopped just being angry at the world. I started being angry at myself.
I hated how easily I lost control. I hated how people looked at me, either afraid or frustrated. I hated that I was ruining relationships that I actually cared about. And that self-hatred? It led me down a road I never expected\u2014self-harm.
Self-harm doesn\u2019t always look like the stereotypical image most people have. For me, it started small: staying up all night, skipping meals, isolating myself, ignoring the things that once brought me joy. But eventually, it escalated. My own mind became my worst enemy. Instead of lashing out at others, I started punishing myself.<\/p>\n

Isolation: The Loneliest Place to Be<\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

One of the most ironic things about anger as a coping mechanism is that it isolates you. You start using it as a defense, but before you know it, you\u2019ve built a fortress so high that no one can reach you\u2014not even the people who genuinely care.
I kept myself at a distance because I felt unsafe around people. I was convinced they would judge me, abandon me, or hurt me in some way. So, to protect myself, I lashed out first. I made sure no one got too close. But in doing so, I ended up hurting myself more than anyone else ever could.
There\u2019s a certain emptiness that comes with realizing you\u2019ve pushed everyone away. It\u2019s a strange, hollow feeling\u2014like standing in a room full of people but still feeling completely alone.<\/p>\n

The Turning Point: Realizing the Truth<\/h5>\n

The thing about anger is that it feels powerful in the moment, but in the long run, it leaves you exhausted. It burns everything in its path, and eventually, you\u2019re left with nothing but ashes. And I? I was so tired.
At some point, I had to ask myself: Is this really how I want to live?
The answer was obvious, but change isn\u2019t easy. When anger is your default setting, rewiring your brain to respond differently takes time. I had to learn how to sit with uncomfortable emotions without exploding. I had to unlearn the belief that everyone was out to get me. And most importantly, I had to forgive myself for the damage I had done\u2014not just to others, but to myself.<\/p>\n

Healing: The Not-So-Magical, But Totally Worth-It Journey<\/h6>\n

I wish I could say that one day I woke up and everything was fixed, but that\u2019s not how healing works. It\u2019s slow. It\u2019s messy. It\u2019s frustrating. But it\u2019s worth it. Here\u2019s what helped me start my journey:
1. Understanding My Triggers<\/strong>
I had to figure out what set me off. Was it feeling unheard? Feeling unimportant? Once I knew my triggers, I could start working on how to react differently.
2. Learning How to Pause<\/strong>
Before reacting, I started forcing myself to take a breath. Count to ten. Walk away. Anything to stop myself from going into full rage mode.
3. Expressing My Emotions in Healthier Ways<\/strong>
Journaling, painting, working out\u2014these became my outlets instead of explosive anger. Creativity, which I had lost for so long, started coming back.
4. Letting People In<\/strong>
This was the hardest part. But slowly, I started opening up. I allowed myself to be vulnerable, to admit when I was struggling instead of masking it with aggression.
5. Therapy (Because Sometimes, You Need Help!)<\/strong>
For the longest time, I thought I could fix myself alone. But professional help made a world of difference. Therapy gave me tools I didn\u2019t even know I needed.<\/p>\n

Where I Am Now: A Work in Progress<\/h6>\n

I won\u2019t lie\u2014I still get angry. I still feel defensive sometimes. But the difference is that I don\u2019t let it control me anymore. I don\u2019t let it dictate how I treat others or myself. The truth is, anger isn\u2019t bad\u2014it\u2019s just an emotion. It\u2019s what we do with it that matters. And now, instead of letting it consume me, I try to understand it.
If you\u2019re someone who, like me, has used anger as a shield, I hope you know this: You don\u2019t have to live like this forever. There\u2019s another way. A better way. And trust me, life on the other side of anger? It\u2019s so much lighter. You deserve peace. And it\u2019s never too late to find it.<\/p>\n

By Rabiya Nizam<\/p>\n

Note: Image used are Ai generated<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve always had a fiery streak\u2014quick to anger, quick to defend, and, unfortunately, quick to push people away. Looking back, I realize that anger was never just an emotion for me. It was my armor, my weapon, my coping mechanism. And for years, I thought it was helping me survive. But in reality, it was…<\/p>\n

Read More “Anger: My Not-So-Friendly Coping Mechanism and How It Hurt Me”<\/span> »<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":3789,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[264,388,118,305],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[299],"yoast_head":"\nAnger: My Not-So-Friendly Coping Mechanism and How It Hurt Me - Ruh-E-Mohabbat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Self-harm doesn\u2019t always look like the stereotypical image most people have. 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